we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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