Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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