Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
