just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
