just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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