what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
