handjob tips. give me some.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
