Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
