Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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