is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
