My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
