i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
