So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
