He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
