my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
