too bad you live with your parents still
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
