he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
