Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Text me some of your sweat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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