Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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