Can i not drive my cunt home
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I supernannyed him into submission
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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