I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
