i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
