My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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