May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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