dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
