my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
