Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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