I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
