I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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