I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
