i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
