i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
