it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
