dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
