Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
