Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
