woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
