Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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