ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
