It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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