she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
