he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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