she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
