Your face is a jimmy john
Can Purell be used as lube?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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