it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
