I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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