Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
