We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
