Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
