god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
