I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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