Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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