After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
