my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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