On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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