Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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