Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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