I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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