he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize