id be glad to
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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