dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
