I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize