I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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