Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
