3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
