The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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