My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
