How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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