She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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